My Epitaph Is Inescapable by Jim Williams

Or twenty quotes from Bill Veeck, some of which were too long to fit in the list section:

"The most beautiful thing in the world is a ballpark filled with people."

"That's the true harbinger of spring, not crocuses or swallows returning to Capustrano, but the sound of a bat on the ball."

"We can't always guarantee the ball game is going to be good; but we can guarantee the fan will have fun."

"I have discovered in twenty years of moving around a ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats."

"The original idea of the bleachers was for the guy who couldn't afford season box seats, but could shell out cash for an outfield seat on a day-to-day basis?Maybe the time has come when they don't need that guy. You can buy all those seats the days they're not sold out, but the rest of the time you're not welcome. It does seem that way, doesn't it? I guess that's what happens when marketing experts come in and take over."

"Baseball is like our society. It's becoming homogenized, computerized. People identify with swash-buckling individuals, not polite little men who field their position well. Sir Galahad had a big following-but I'll bet Lancelot had more."

"Wake up the echoes at the Hall of Fame and you will find that baseball's immortals were a rowdy and raucous group of men who would climb down off their plaques and go rampaging through Cooperstown, taking spoils....Deplore it if you will, but Grover Cleveland Alexander drunk was a better pitcher than Grover Cleveland Alexander sober."

"It isn't the high price of stars that is expensive, it's the high price of mediocrity."

"When the Supreme Court says baseball isn't run like a business, everybody jumps up and down with joy. When I say the same thing, everybody throws pointy objects at me."

"It never ceases to amaze me how many of baseball's wounds are self-inflicted."

"Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game. You want us to pay income taxes, too?"

"Baseball is the only game left for people. To play basketball, you have to be 7 feet 6 inches. To play football, you have to be the same width."

"What can I do, I asked myself, that is so spectacular that no one will be able to say he had seen it before? The answer was perfectly obvious. I would send a midget up to bat."

"Eddie, how would you like to be a big-league ballplayer? Eddie, you'll be the only midget in the history of the game. You'll be appearing before thousands of people. Your name will go into the record books for all time. You'll be famous, Eddie. You'll be immortal."

"Actually, the idea of using a midget had been kicking around in my head all my life."

"I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity."

"I did my best to look ashamed of myself."

"The season starts too early and finishes too late and there are too many games in between."

"There are only two seasons - winter and Baseball."

"My epitaph is inescapable. It will read: 'He sent a midget up to bat.'"

--Bill Veeck


upthesecularhumanists : March 29, 2007 07:37 PM

Jim, I've decided to join you so we're both tools now. The biggest tool I know is still Pete.

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